This year's much of an exception,

I'm not out on the Christmas Eve and I feel sooooooo depressed. My friends bubbled to death and left me high and dry. Home alone,drowning myself in self pity. No nicotine intake for about 24 hours plus and just plain miserable and sober. Life is unfair.

Sometimes I wish that no part of me wants to hold back.I wish I could say and express out my inner most truth to anyone without any hesitation or veiling it with any underlying meaning or intention. I wish I could just speak the blunt truth to each and every single one of you and let the outcome be as it is. But, you can't always get what you want in life, despite striving for it countless times. SIGH.

Smoke up,let loose and party all night!

HAH! If only. I'm so occupied these days what with due dates for assignments drawing so near and suddenly there's so many invites to places and events and I'm literally left with $8 to last me till 1st january.Eh how now brown cow sio.I'm so dry,drier than a nun's pussy. Motherless!

I want to cryyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Money,please fall from the sky.

Sigh.

Why, oh why.

:c

Had an awesome session with Navin and Zul at her crib two nights ago and it's affecting my memory and sleeping patterns. Tsk! But oo me like alot.

(my zombie face right below)

Anyways, I realise I've alot to attend to this week cum weekend, Thursday, my selengerbacin friend Danial's migrating to Australia and there'll be a secondary school gathering in the afternoon, Thursday night, Haqim's gig -EP launch, but I really dunno where and such. I hope I can make it, I've been neglecting him for almost three weeks already, sorry boi_Qimz.

On the 25th, my beloved bestfriend, who lost contacted with me for about two years,and finally we've reconciled, Syazwan, has an acoustic performance at Payar Lebar and daanng,I hope I won't miss it, like seriously. I'll post his vid laterxz.

27th is my leg appointment. :c Have I mentioned I fell again? Think not. But yeah, I fell and it hit the exact same spot and it was hilariously painful. If i could recall, I was actually getting back to Navin cause he was teasing me and all, and yeah...I fell. Bloodyhell. But the surprising part was that I realise Jopie's damn strong. He literally carried me off the wheelchair,to the sick bay bed. Aaaww. So yeah,shortly after, the Ambulance arrived. :)

28th, there'll be a sentosa outing with my lovely MDIS babies. I doubt Navin's joining. :c :c :c (just if,in vain, that you're reading this...please be present canzx cute_macha) There'll be booze and shit but all I really want is to soak in the Sun. My god,it's been aeons since I've hit the beach! And yeah, I don't drink, been sober for more than two years now, :B so maybe imma witness alot of shit amongst my babies. :)

I think that's pretty much it to end my extremely uneventful and sour 2010. :/ I have a really long resolution for my 2011 but maybe I'll post about it some other time but soon,and definitely before the year comes to an end.

OOOO.

Anyways, I actually have truckloads of cute pictures full of memories in my phone but I'm still thinking of a way to put it in my laptop. No USB all how now brown cow. but yeah,there's always photobooth pictues. :B

hahahaha.I painted the boy's humongous,gigantic,wide surface area fingernails. :3

Anyways, Syazwan's video. I've always liked singing with him in class,sec1 and 2, when things were alot simpler then. :/

Alright I hope I've fed you enough updates for now, I've to continue with my Starbucks report now. Looks like no sleep tonight! Oh just in case, if you're really curious, drop me questions at

http://formspring.me/liyanakendrick ♥

Eliza Doolittle - "Fuck You" (Cee-Lo Cover)

Am in larve with this song. :)

I don't know, I just love the way you make me feel when you tell me that you miss me like you meant it. That's just one of the most unexplainable reason in words, I'd describe as to why I like you so much. :)

Emiliana Torrini - If You Go Away

If you go away on this summer's day,
Then you might as well take the sun away
All the birds that flew in the summer sky
When our love was new and our hearts were high
And the day was young and the nights were long
And the moon stood still for the night bird's song
If you go away, if you go away, if you go away.

But if you stay, I'll make you a day
Like no day has been, or will be again
We'll sail on the sun, we'll ride on the rain
And talk to the trees and worship the wind
But if you go, I'll understand
Leave me just enough love to fill up my hand
If you go away, if you go away, if you go away.

If you go away, as I know you will
You must tell the world to stop turning
Till you return again, if you ever do,
For what good is love without loving you?
Can I tell you now, as you turn to go
I'll be dying slowly till the next hello
If you go away, if you go away, if you go away.

But if you stay, I'll make you a night
Like no night has been, or will be again
I'll sail on your smile, I'll ride on your touch
I'll talk to your eyes that I love so much
But if you go, I won't cry
Though the good is gone from the word goodbye
If you go away, if you go away, if you go away.

If you go away, as I know you must
There is nothing left in this world to trust
Just an empty room, full of empty space
Like the empty look I see on your face
I'd have been the shadow of your shadow
If you might have kept me by your side
If you go away, if you go away, if you go away.

Have you ever noticed that the worst way to miss someone is when they are right beside you, and yet you can never have them…when the moment you can’t feel them under your fingertips you miss them? Have you ever wondered which hurts the most; saying something and wishing you had not, or and wishing you had? I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say.. Don’t be afraid to tell someone you love them. If you do, they might break your heart…but if you don’t you might break theirs. Have you ever decided not to become a couple because you were afraid of losing what you already had with that person?Your heart decides who it likes and who it doesn’t. You can’t tell your heart what to do. It does it on its own…when you least expect it, or even when you don’t want it to. Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you? Too many of us stay walled because we are too afraid to care too much…for fear that the other person does not care as much, or at all. Have you ever loved someone and they had absolutely no idea whatsoever? Or fell for your best-friend in the entire world, and then sat around and watched him/her fall for someone else? Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle? We tell lies when we are afraid…afraid of what we don’t know, afraid of what others will think, afraid about what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie…the thing we fear grows stronger. Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump. Don’t be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have, or could have had. No one waits forever..

-Tumblr

If you look inside a girl, you would see how much she really cries, you would find so many secrets& lots of lies but what you will really see is how hard it is to stay so strong when nothing is right,& everything is wrong.

-Tumblr.

I know no one will read this now,today.

But I'm at my lowest right now that i feel someone should die.I know it's just selfish of myself but either that person dies or myself. Somebody has to be pulling the trigger.

I'm honestly completely lost and I'm still in a state of numbness,every form of sadness will either be converted to a less than 5 minutes breakdowns or I'll put it all the way back in my head as a defense mechanism.I don't understand myself as to why I deliberately push behind my thoughts of sorrow and disappointment yet at the same time thinking and talking about it out loud like it's not affecting me. I feel so low. And nothing is right, I don't know the right person to be talking to, to turn to cause all I seem to be doing is mentally crossing out names as to whom do i want to disclose this really confusing state of mind i'm having.

I've gone beyond control to the extent that I gave multiple punches, the kind that makes a guy admit that it hurts, to Alif, and I'm sorry. But I felt the calmness as I clutch my fist into a massive punch.

Honestly, i just don't know what and how to feel to this emotion. I can't seem to describe it but it's synonymic to all the negative thought and feelings. Lately I've been drowning myself to pathetic cliche depressing songs, and I know it doesn't help but just the thought of knowing someone has or had gone through such a confusing phase actually made a song about it actually alleviate just the little percentage of my self-esteem.

********

And I just slept through the night drafting whatever I wrote on top cause I was mentally and emotionally drained, and the heartbreak was at its finest. A sleep is a sleep. A heartache is a heartache. But sleeping with a heartache? I miss smiling in my sleep, in my thoughts, on my face.

I know,I'm just an ornament object in your life but I hope it'd make a difference.Thank you for appearing in my life. ♥