Tuesday, November 2

I'm giving up, on everything. At my wits end and those whom i've held so dearly and close, have left. Thank you. I'm beyond disappointment if you ask me, and I've regretted for all my life, ever since the day my father left me, aged eight, I was delusional into thinking that things will be better in the future. Took me this long, to realise that the day he left, was the beginning of a painful journey, know what's sad? I can't do anything about it but just let it kill me inside. Nobody knows. I don't even get to seek refuge to anyone or anywhere. Because why? I'm too good at masking all these bullshit and playing in a false pretense. Why? Cause I'd rather see everyone else's smiles and joy. At times i would crack, and fall, because there's just way too much facade that I'm putting up with. But i'll conceal it sooner than you can recall that I've ever really been upset.

If i had all the money in the world, I'll be selfish and leave all of you. Pick up what's left of me and leave this hell of a life and start anew, somewhere so foreign, that I'll change my name and identity, conceal all of these seventeen years of my life and just think of it as a nightmare. Because that is what it has always been. If only.